Nightmares

Its a little soon for another post, but I had such a horrible nightmare last night.

I dreamt I was being raped again, though not by the same guy. But this time my sister new what was happening, she was just too scared to do anything. I managed to tell my male friend that I told when it really happened, and he rounded people up to come help. The rapist in the dream was holding my face to his, about to leave, pretending to my sister that we were in love or something, then all these people came crashing through the door. They grabbed him and I was taken away somewhere safer.
Afterwards everyone stayed round me, asking me if I was okay, even guys I barely recognised. But I could tell something was different. The way they looked at me, I wasn't me anymore, I was 'the victim'.

I think thats why I was too scared to tell many people when it actually happened. I couldn't bare to be the victim to everyone. If I don't tell anyone, then everyone thinks I'm still me, still strong, dependable. Maybe thats why I find it so hard to tell everyone why I'm struggling so much at uni.

I'm so pathetic.


On the plus side, weight is back down this morning to 124. Not sure how long that will last, I've not actually eaten yet. Just going to have some fruit and greek yoghurt for lunch and see how it goes while I try and shake off this nightmare.