Downfalls

So today could have been wonderful. Soup for lunch, light tea.
Then I ate a whole pack of cadbury fingers. I kid you not, a whole pack. Thats something like 750 calories on its own. Fucks sake.

I was reading my earliest posts on this blog before, a bit of essay procrastination (seriously, who cares that much about the downfall of the roman republic?), and I was ashamed of how bad my eating has become.

I mean I know everyone has ups and downs and all, but I used to average like 500-750 a day, now I'm lucky if I stay under 1250.

I should be ashamed of myself.

I intend to start sorting it out from now on, however I am away from home this weekend, at my uncles. Lots of family, lots of people watching my eating. So I'll just have to do the best I can, then start afresh on Monday. Although that is the start of the Easter holidays, and while I'm DYING to go home, foods going to be a bit iffy. I'll just have to manage best I can.

I just have to keep reminding myself that at the start of this blog I was 131 on a good day. I'm now averaging 123 (unless I've binged a lot recently). Thats almost 10lbs difference. I just need to see how far I've come, and how far I've got still to go.

Kiwi asked me my weight today. I gave him a "something around" kind of answer. If people ask I tend to say about 9 stone (126), even though I'd be so upset if the scales actually said that. Can't have people knowing how carefully I monitor my weight. Specially not hot Kiwi's.
Even though I don't think I'm that into him anymore. Go figure.

The scales actually said 121 when I first got on this morning, but I think that was a fluke. Hmm. I wish. I really wanna hit 120, feel like I've been stuck where I am forever.


Love and light thoughts!