So, I know I've been hugely over-eating lately. Like to the point of ridiculousness.
But this morning it really hit me.
I went to put on the size 6 dress I got a few weeks back, which is a little snug anyway but comfortable enough, and it literally would not do up.
I wanted to cry.
Today was still a shitty day for food, but I think it was because I'd already eaten badly before I realised just how much I must have gained, and I'm never good at stopping once I've started.
I refused to weigh today, which means my last known weight is still 125, though it's likely to be up on that. I'm hoping a lot of this is just period bloat, which will hopefully go soon :/
I'm going out on Tuesday night, so fingers crossed I can sort it out a bit by then, just going to try and be extra good, focussing on the fact that I'm going out and want to look good, not like a beached whale.
Don't remember if I mentioned I went out on Thursday night? Don't think I've blogged since then, so I'll do a quick fill-in.
After stressing because I looked super-fat but couldn't change as I'd forgotten to take extra clothes to change into (so stuck with high-waisted shorts and a crop top with my belly all over the place), the night was going reasonably well until I saw my ex's friend out. And he said that my ex had been "talking shit" about me. Definitely put a downer on the night.
So of course I text my ex who was just so... off with me. I know that doesn't sound so weird, but even since we broke up, he still talks to me totally fine, like never funny or anything. So, it was strange. I don't even know what to think.
Not helping that I have a schoolgirl crush on the most inappropriate person ever atm as well. Really really hoping thats going to pass asap, its making my life super awkward.
What the fuck even is my life.
Love and light thoughts