So I was just trawling through some old emails in search of a payslip, and I came across some of my old FutureMe letters. You know the ones where you write them and set a date sometime in the future and the website sends it to you?
I write myself one every New Year.
Anyone, I was rereading one from the beginning of 2011, and one of things I wrote to myself was "do things that would make Dad proud". I don't think I've done that at all.
Between sleeping around, not putting effort in at uni, falling out with so many friends, I don't think my dad would be proud at all. Which is quite sad really. Maybe I should try and do that. I wrote about trying to be honourable, and I think thats a good idea.
I also wrote about true friends being the ones who stick it out. One of the ones I listed, I'm no longer friends with. I guess that tells you something huh?
I feel like I'm in an ever dwindling circle of friends. There are very few people I feel close to anymore, and I'm not so trusting. Not necessarily a bad thing. I think I'm just going to try and lock emotions away into a little box in my head and heart.
It would be for the best. Means I don't get hurt, and no-one else does either. Means no emotional eating. Means more focus on my work.
I'm going to start saving as soon as I can. Save and save, so after uni I can run away.
I can run away and disappear.